So you're twenty now . . . hmm?

Happy Birthday Five:

So it's my neice's 20th birthday this week and of course to celebrate I think she deserves a little "Welcome To Your 20's" advice five.

I do this because there is obviously so much I know about being a 20 year old girl.

1. Pick Good Friends
This is the time you will meet almost all of the friends you will take with you forever. They should be able to make you laugh and have good hygiene. They should have diverse musical tastes and should have seen a play at one time or another. Make sure they're not prettier than you.
Ugly = No Direct Sexual Competition = Besties.

2. Read Everything
Fiction, Non Fiction, Fan fiction, owners manuals, everything. Its what cool people do. And how cool people identify each other at the kinds of parties that you will eventually be going to. I know you think its easy to do that now, what with all the Dr. Who T-Shirts that are out there (ironic or otherwise), but that zeitgeist was so Reddit 2012, and should be a little embarrassing by now. John Irving, Kurt Vonnegut, Danielle Steele, and all the adult novels that will eventually be written by Stephanie Meyers, should give you the street cred you most certainly need.

3. Listen to your inner "Dude"
Jiminy Cricket may have been loud in that ridiculous hat of his, but nowhere near as loud as the thundering hormones that have been racing around your partially formed cerebral cortex. We all had a good laugh, but now begins the time when choices have repercussions. You shouldn't drive a vehicle after four whole marijuanas and if the top of the boy's hair hasn't been washed, there's a good chance that the rest of him hasn't been either. Ask yourself "What is the worst that could possible happen?" and if the answer involves your mother or cheap hotel bathrooms, then it might be time to see what's on Netflix.

4. Time to get domestic
Learn to cook, wash your own clothes, empty the dishwasher. Mow the lawn, take out the trash. Vacuum, dust, and scrub a toilet. I know, I know, I know, that you will need none of these skills as you are destined for raging rock stardom, but its good to have some connection with the little people.

5. Listen to your uncles
They're like inner dudes that can bail you out of a drunk tank before mommy gets back from a Dave Matthews concert. Now go ahead and reread 1 through 4.

Happy Whatever.

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