Week 2: Don't Hit the Panic Button . . . yet.

Photo by Tech. Sgt. Michael Holzworth
Well that answers that question.

Or does it?

Week One of football season is off to quite the start. For some, it was quite wonderful, for others (Like anyone who drafted any of the players I did) . . . not so much.

Obviously the Patriots rocked the house. Note to self: When Belichick is cranky . . . you need to be somewhere else. Same thing goes for Rex Ryan and if you are scoring points by the number of F-Bombs dropped . . . Bill O’Brian is your guy.

An uptempo Niners team is so much more fun to watch, thank-god, but the hope that the Raiders won’t be quite the dumpster fire, well, at least gasoline prices are dropping.

Denver won, but only by a hair on their chinny chin chin (despite Manning overthrowing Demarius twice in the end zone, more on that later.)

There weren’t too many upsets (my fantasy teams excluded) though it’s always nice to see Seattle lose, the Niners win, and the look on Eli’s face when he doesn’t know what’s going on.

Sure there where bad decisions made in the last seconds (telling Jennings not to score, stopping the clock when he shoulda let it run), but he did outscore his older brother and I’ve been asked very nicely not to make too many Giants jokes, though if their gonna tee it up like that every week, it’s gonna be really hard.

Really hard.

All in all, defense had a good week (assuming you’re not standing next to JJ Watt in the locker room), Marriota showed some flash, his high draft partner Winston not so much, but as of right this second, the Patriots look like the only sure fire Super Bowl 50 contender.

Did I just write that?


On second thought though, they did give up 465 yards, and they’re still ranked a close second to the Seahawks in every analysis I’ve read, so there’s hope yet for a fall that comes after all that pride. But why does it have to be the freaking Seahawks?

Funny how Seattle and NYC are my two favorite cities in the world, while San Francisco is in my bottom ten, yet there we are.

The Packers will be fine too, thanks to a resurgent James Jones, but if Lacy goes down with a concussion (soft head and all) . . . well . . . please forget I said anything.

Bad JuJu right there.

The Steelers have one more week without Bell, three more weeks without Bryant, and are almost, but not quite, ready to unleash the Kraken. The Saints really wanna see Spiller back (they’ve obviously been planning on Sproles 2.0 this season, and thank goodness Ingram can catch) and the Texans are gonna be lost until Foster resurges. Did you know they’re like 0-10 when he’s not suited up? That’s the scariest statistic I’ve ever written.

I think it’s all the yoga he does. That shit ain’t good for anyone.

Anyway . . . speaking of injured players:


The hard one is Dez. Broken foot, out for at least four weeks. As a Niners fan I’m supposed to be all haha, but this makes me sorta sad.

Broken hand stories for Delanie Walker, Derek Carr, and it turns out, Pierre Paul also lost his thumb. That’s gonna make hitchhiking real tough.

DeSean Jackson is likely to sit out for a few weeks too, not as sad as Dezzy, but since I have some stock in Morris, I’d really like someone to stretch the field a bit.

CJ Anderson had a sprained toe, absolutely freaking out everyone who drafted him despite having drafted Monte Ball the previous season.

I think that’s mostly it . . . (there were a lot of little injuries, but no one got caught with Blount and a hooker, high on marijuana, so at least everyone’s coloring within the lines this week.)


Raiders - I like that Derek Carr has some testicles, but it was a bad move when you’re already losing 17-0 and you’ve lost your entire secondary. I believe they have the Ravens this week and I’m not even sure if I can watch it.

Niners - Obviously Hyde was a revelation (not to anyone who watched the preseason 2014, but damn dude). Kaepernick looked so much more comfortable when playing at video game speed rather than the tortoise race Harbaugh had him run last year. Though Boldin and Davis need to wake the eff up. The ball is coming fast guys, be ready.

Cowboys - Broken Dezzy=Sad Face, nothing is clear in the back field, though is Beasley just the cutest little thing in the world? Of course they only won by being on the right side of some bad decisions, but 1) I’ll take it and 2)I’ve said enough already.

Jets - I’ll admit, I had Cleveland as my defense because there’s no way in the world you can go up against Fitzpatrick and not talk away with two Pick 6’s. I had my back to the game at the sports bar, but maybe if I’d paid more attention I could’ve done something. Anything.

Speaking of not watching . . . 


Thursday - Denver@KC
Short week, stout defenses, a resurgent Alex Smith, a possibly ‘no meat left on the bone’ Manning. It’s gonna be “The Hillman vs Charles Show.” guest starring Maclin, Sanders, and Brandon Marshall. (No not that one . . . the other one.)

Now we get to see if the Niners’ shiny new defense can handle Big Ben’s 30 point offense and if Hyde can top last week’s numbers. Can Markus Wheaton pretend NOT to be on Revis island this week (that was so Patriots 2014)? And are Davis and Boldin gonna take the red pill or the blue pill? (That was both a Matrix, Alice in Wonderland, and meth joke wrapped into one)

Seattle@Green Bay
Juggernauts Clash.

Division headliner. Murray facing his old team. Sproles set for another 100 yard game (he only gets two per year) What’s the Dallas plan sans Dez? Can Bradford make it four quarters without needing an MRI? Is Beasley still the cutest thing ever?

Now . . . what you’ve all been waiting for:

Pierre Paul’s Finger (0-1) Last Place
Geno’s Oral Surgeon (0-1) 2nd to Last Place

That . . . my friends . . . is not what I was expecting. Not only did I NOT have a single guy go off, but all my safety picks proved to have a lower floor than I thought was imaginable.

Usually a new floor is exciting. But the mahogany I paid for ended up being repurposed linoleum.

After I posted last week, I got a nice little smack talk from my opponent that I was gonna get my ass kicked.

Touché, my friend . . . touché.

Now looking back, I can see that I went super conservative (RB, WR, RB) and got nailed with some humdrum decisions, where the leader boards clearly favored the unconventional approach (TE, WR, QB and Carlos Hyde). Though I will point out that of my two leagues, grabbing Gronk in the first round only worked in one of them especially when followed by Julio Jones, Tom Brady and yes . . . Carlos Hyde.

However . . . looking back won’t do me any favors for another 50 weeks . . . so no point in dwelling. Not point at all.

Of course it’s so much more fun to win (no argument there) but now the real work must begin. When you’re almost two entire weeks down from the leaders you have a very specific obligation to fight tooth and nail to uncover the breakout stars (2014’s Beckham, Forsett, and Anderson).

The waiver wire is going to be my new friend.

Trading becomes a must as well. Now I think that trading is the funnest part about this game, and Yahoo is pretty cool in the fact that you can evaluate the trade point wise before hitting the ‘send’ button.

Remember . . . if you’re sent a trade it’s not the final say. You can resend a trade for someone else. Do that, it’s fun. Or at least deny the trade quickly so the other guy can move on with his life.

Now on one team, you can grab anyone off the waiver wire as long as they haven’t been dropped recently. Means you gotta be quick.

The other team, you don’t get to grab guys until Wednesday, so waiver placement is key. For instance I tried to grab James Jones and CJ?K. I got Jones, but lost Johnson. So in this case, I gotta be both quick and lucky.

You also have to make some really hard calls. Like this week I’m pulling the trigger and benching Peyton and putting Sam Bradford in his place. See, Peyton felt like a really safe choice in the fifth round. As long as you back him up for someone who's gonna look better later in the season, how exactly can you go wrong with a guy who has been the top five forever? The critics like to say he's not got the juice, but since he clearly overthrew Demarius, not once but twice, he's got the juice, he just hasn't got the touch in this new offense.

Which taught me a new thing for this year. I didn't know what the term "under-center" meant. Sorry . . . it's only my fourth year even watching games before the Super Bowl. So not knowing that there was a big difference between where Peyton is comfortable (in the shot-gun) and where he is now (under-center) I didn't pay much attention. But it's clear it's a thing.

Now I'm not giving up hope. But Bradford was a good get in the 10th round and as long as he's vertical, he's gonna ride top ten numbers while Peyton is going to sit in the 'we'll see' column.

This could easily backfire if Bradford goes down and Peyton becomes Peyton, but at least then by week three I’ll feel better about my life.

Also, I really think Cooper’s gonna be a good WR down the stretch, but not against the Ravens and not until Carr is healthy, so Jones against Seattle is gonna be my best bet.


The biggest problem with being on the bottom rung is that you have no roster space for depth. You’ve gotta load up on lottery tickets.

However . . . this first week is no time to panic. Maybe feel a little anxiety with Calvin Johnson, but if a lackluster Megatron is your only problem, the ship shouldn’t completely sink.

Point is . . . if you’re down with me . . . chin up. If you’re right in the middle . . . watch out. If you’re sitting pretty at the top . . . keep drinking the Koolaid.

Donnell outscores Gronk - Nope, Nope and Nope
Steelers/Pats 75 point game - 49 (go niners)
Raiders win! - Hush you.
RunDMC carries the rock - Nope, but I did grab Dunbar (not as cute as Beasley but still . . . )
Graham goes 3-67-1 . . . 6-51-1 (so at least I was close and you can breathe easy.)


  1. Buffalo crushes the Patriots
  2. Boldin and Davis get 200yrds and 3 TDs
  3. Cleveland sacks Marriota 4 times
  4. Eli hooks up with Beckham for 120yrd a 2 TDs and I owe Peter a beer
  5. Beasley gets lost in Phillies’ Defensive line and ends up taking Tom Brady’s Super Bowl Ring back to Mordor.

Okay. That’s it. Time to get off the pot.

(Yes Calvin Johnson . . . I’m talking to you.)