Little Old Testament

Had lamp chops tonight.

Made a "sacrificial lamb"joke while my mother in law was cutting up the meat.

"At least we saved Isaac!" :)

That's funny cause God wanted to test Abraham's devotion so he asked Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac. Just before Abraham slit his son's throat an angel put a stop to the nonsense and let Abraham sacrifice a goat instead.

Hence: Sacrificial Lamb.

Hence Monday night deliciousness.

But instead of laughter I got a stern look and an hour's silent treatment.

And while I was prepping the lamb chops I was told not to add too much salt.

"Quit turning back to look."

Which is what I would have said if my wife would've have found that funny. Its funny because is a reference to Lot's wife who was told not to look back while the angels burned Sodom to the ground, but she did anyway and was turned into a pillar of salt for her effort. It was not funny because no one was in the mood for Old Testament humor.

I got a parking ticket on Saturday.

A $43 parking ticket.

It was completely my fault. I parked in a two hour zone for over three hours. I was teaching a class and during the break, I called my wife and totally forgot to move my car to another spot.

It was a $43 brain-fart.

Brain farts are expensive when you are a motorist in down town Davis.

If you're a bicyclist in Davis, then a brain fart could possibly lead you and your overindulgence to an early grave.

It will, however, not cost you $43.

For there are laws of the road.

Like "You cannot park on this block for longer than two hours"

And there are the laws of physics:

Like "If you try to cut off a Toyota Echo on your Trek road bike, you're gonna die."

But Davis is a very special place. Its where money, extreme liberalism, and over education has collided into this amazing toilet bowl of anti-social ineptitude.

I say this because I have lived and worked in Davis for many years. I have many many friends who live in and around Davis, I have many many friends who have graduated from its University, and I have even sent my own son there to become a college graduate.

But I can't stand it.

Davis is the only place I ever been where you can smile at a stranger and receive scorn in return. You can't see a movie without having to move your car half way through. You can't teach a three hour class and make a phone call to your wife. Bicycles everywhere. Undergrads hungover and stopping the Chipotle line to see if they have enough change to add guacamole. Post Grads wandering around like zombies because they've spent the last four years in a dark laboratory only to discover that in the real world nobody cares about them and won't hire anyone who looks like a meth addict and doesn't have an indoor voice. Tenure professors so disheveled that the only distinction between themselves and the homeless is that the homeless know how to tune their guitars. And pray my friends for the servant class, who have had their good intentions and kind souls chewed and spit out like Appalachian tobacco.

Then there are meter maids.

Thousands of effing meter maids.

Tickets for jay walking. Riding on the wrong side, riding on the sidewalk. Tickets for being on the line and running two minutes late.

The system is set up for you to fail.

Fail and be ticketed.

Reminds me of a story of a friend of mine who was driving through Texas. Nice looking kid in a well kept mini van and California plates. The sun was setting and in the distance he could see the faint lights of a little town just a few miles ahead. He thinks this might be a good place and time to stop, get a bite to eat and stay for the night. Suddenly he see police lights behind him and he pulls over. He rolls down the window just as the cop reaches his door.

"License and registration." and the whole shebang. My friend wasn't speeding and all his papers were in order. The cop asks him how much gas he has in the tank.

"Little less than a quarter tank, officer." says my friend who is starting to panic.

"Son, you see that little town in the distance?"

"Yes, officer."

"Well, when you get to that town, stop off at the first gas station that you see. Fill up your tank and then keep on driving. You hear me son?"

"Sure do." and he sure did.

Cause for whatever reason, my friend was not welcome in that town, and the officer wanted to make that clear.

See, I don't mind paying for parking.

Because I'm a motorist.

And because my destination and times are variable.

Give me a well lit parking space that is within reasonable walking distance to the place I am going and you can have my money.

And Davis wants my money.

But like the angel entering Sodom, I am not welcome.

Which is fine.

Because when Davis burns, I won't be looking back.