Five Things it Could Be

My wife told me that she is picking up wine tonight and that I'll understand when she gets home. Since that is cryptic in the way only a wife can be cryptic, I've decided to make fun of my concern. So for today's Friday Five, here are

Five Things It Could Be:

1. She's leaving me. 

Not because the sex wasn't good or that we've grown apart, or that she needs some space to find herself, but because I left yet another pair of socks wedged underneath the covers at the foot of the bed and she just can't take it any more.

2. She's dying. 

According to her doctor, she has only 47 years left to live and maybe we ought to blow our 401k and take a trip around the world. She always did want to see Venice.

3. I'm dying. 

And she's upset cause I never took her to Venice.

4. She wants to finally admit that the Lord Of the Rings movies just weren't that good.

5. Calvin needs costly orthodontist work. 

This is the most plausible since she is coming home from Calvin's first visit to the dentist, and god forbid he actually not get the fucked up teeth gene. I am so envious of the parents, who 10 years from now, will be able to choose all the nice DNA for their little snot monkeys. I want blond hair, blue eyes, a nice smile, the ability to dance, fear of game shows, and only a 37% chance of homosexuality.