To Referee or Not to Referee?

Calvin's soccer league will not supply referee's because there were too many angry parents throwing shit fits at teenage refs for failing to see that Little Johnny clearly kicked in that goal.

I don't know who Little Johnny is, but I hate him and his ilk.

So the coach has been begging for parent volunteers.

Here are five reasons why I should not volunteer:

1.

I know nothing about soccer.

You'd think that would end the debate, but honestly, how much does one really need to know. Don't kick it out of bounds. Don't use your hands. Don't kick Little Johnny in the dick cause his mom's a litigious bitch.

2.

I'd have a hard time not coaching my own son.

My boy is very bright. He is strong and he is fast. He has no fucking clue what's going on at practice and he's such a sweet little kid that when the other team steals the ball from him he roots for them to score. It's not about the competition to him, and yet there is some kind of monster in me that wants so badly to see my son push Little Johnny out of the way, and Beckham Bend that ball straight into the goalie's solar plexus so hard that both the boy and the ball fall into the goal. It would suck to have to yellow card my own son for doing something I was clearly yelling at him to do.

3.

I'd have a hard time not telling other parents to shut the fuck up.

Remember that monster I was telling you about? Well other parents have it too, without my charm, education, or experience in adrenaline fueled social settings. I haven't hit someone in the face since I was a sophomore in high school. And I wasn't very good at it then. I can't imagine how bad I'd be at it now, but I do have extensive experience with shutting people down when they piss me off, however, its a side of me I'm not sure I want Calvin to see until he starts becoming an out of control teenager.

4.

I don't have a whistle.

And I'm not putting my lips on some filthy thing that came from a fat man's glove compartment.

5.

I'm afraid I might make a mistake.

This is the reason why I will probably do it.

Light is cool.

Sample?

Ribs. It's what for dinner.

Nothin to See Here

This was not a weekend of rigorous activity.

Lawns were mowed. House picked up. Fantasy football team drafted. Ate some ribs. Drank some beers.

Time flew by. But not in any memorable way.

Its weekends like this that make me look forward to returning to work. Just a little something to light some ass fire.

I can say with total fortitude that I am done with summer. I am done with heat and done with sweat.

Soon clouds will blur the sky, there will be a hint of rain and I will move freely without my shirt sticking to my skin.

I do have to get the boy off to soccer practice in about 30 minutes. So I got that going for me. Which is nice.

But otherwise . . .

. . . . this is a sad little post.

Not because of the soccer thing, although I'm still not utterly convinced its a real game, but because I just don't feel funny today.

Or inspirational.

Or contemplative.

Just blah.

So Blahing Blah.

So lets all join in the monday blah. Reheat some leftovers, get a nice tepid glass of tap water, sit on the couch and watch a movie on TV that you are only mildy interested in. Cuddle up next to your spouse close enough to share some affection but no where near close enough to hint at sex.  Don't think about the day ahead, don't think about what you should have done yesterday, don't even think about the cross word puzzle that is still 95% empty. Let today suck in its blahness and start fresh tomorrow.

Tomorrow's gonna kick some ass.

But don't think about it.

There's nothing to think about.

Nothing to see here.

There are no droids to look for.

Move along.

Friday Five: Find a Chick.

A college kid asked me today how long I have been married. "Nine years." I told him. And in true college kid fashion he whistled and said "Wow, that's long. How do you do it?"

Today's Friday Five is how its done:

First:

Find a hot chick.

Second:

Find a hot chick
who makes you laugh.

Third:

Find a hot chick
who makes you laugh
and lets you be who you are.

Fourth:

Find a hot chick
who makes you laugh,
lets you be who you are,
but doesn't put up with your shit.

And Fifth:

Find a hot chick
who makes you laugh,
lets you be who you are,
doesn't put up with your shit,
and does that one thing.

You know what I'm talking about.

What I found.