This May Take a Few Minutes Five

I've already noted that it's Update Season.

The time of year that fall is supposed to rear it's beautiful head, but it doesn't cause I live in the land of perpetual Hot August Nights.

The time of year that people feel the need to start decorating.

The time of year when all of your electronic gadgets get shiny new operating systems.

Now, also, as I mentioned before, I like to stave off updating for a least a month or so so I can wait till all the bugs are worked out.

That is what I like to do.

But unfortunately, once in a while, the shiny new system is designed in such a way as to thwart my attempts at gathering moss and insist I roll with the rest of the stones.

In this particular case, my iPad wasn't syncing with my iMac, so if I tried to make edits on an essay in one room, those edits would not carry over to the other room.

Very frustrating.

But a simple fix.

I just needed to update my junk.

However, I noticed a real suburban problem when I did this.

While everything was updating . . . all of my peripherals were locked up.

Which means I had to do something other than be connected to a computer screen.

That was a little terrifying.

But only at first. While the Pinwheel of Death kept spinning, and the translucent Apple mocked me, and the line "This May Take a Few Minutes . . . " scrolled helplessly on my monitor, I discovered that there was an entire world of adventure that I had only dreamed about.

So, if you ever find yourself, alone at home, with all of your peripherals unable to connect you to the brighter world, here are a few things you can do to keep from going all Gollum in the Misty Mountains.

First: Go Pee.
You have no idea how long this is going to take or where you might find yourself when it all stops; could be the next room, could be on a bus with the ghost of Kerouc. You have no idea.

So it is of the utmost importance that you make yourself comfortable and say goodbye to what is left of that delicious Chocolate Stout you had last night while watching the Broncos whomp on the Chargers.

Second: Open the refrigerator door and stare inside for a while.
Yes . . . I know you're not hungry . . . I mean you just had breakfast like twenty minutes ago . . . but staring at the interior of the fridge is like an emotional reset button for the soul. Deep philosophical questions can arise like "When was the last time I ate yogurt?" and "What sort of man am I that requires so many different bottles of barbecue sauce?"

On this particular Vision Quest, I discovered that there will come a time, very soon no doubt, that I'm going to have to purchase another onion, and that if I want to make this day a complete success, I should really consider replacing the lightbulb that has been burnt out for two months now.

I may not have found 'Meaning' . . . but I did find 'Purpose'

Thirdly: Make some tea.
I just happen to have some delightful Jade Oolong that I'd been saving for the coming of the chill, and seeing the frost on my windows this morning, I knew it was time.

Tea is a marvelous beverage in a briny soothing sorta way. It also takes very particular steps in order to get it just right, and in some case may take up so much of your attention you forget what you were waiting on in the first place and just stare into your boiling water kettle.

Go ahead. Watch that pot.

See if it boils.

Fourth: Wash the seven items of dish-wear that are in the sink
It's bad water wasting etiquette to rinse off such a little load of dishes. Much better to wait until the china is piled high and rock the whole thing after dinner.

But desperate times lead to desperate measures, and you've already gone pee.

In my particular case the load consisted of three forks, two coffee mugs, one apple juice cup, and a spatula I used to flip the frittata.

The water didn't even get hot by the time I was finished.

And lastly, it's important to note that once the update has gone through, you're going to be spending hours resetting settings, updating passwords, picking music artists and book titles, and have to understand that the rest of your day is just gonna be shot while you reorganize your apps.

So lastly . . . consider going outside for like a minute or two.
Breathe the crisp air. Check on your garden. Estimate how many weekends you can get away with before you have to mow the lawn.

You could even check the mail.

You could even check for coupons.

Point is, is if you can't connect to the world, then go out and be a part of it.