HTT: How To Field Trip

My son's class has gone on a lot of field trips this year.

Some of them have been pretty cool. Some of them have been the exact same field trip he took in the third grade and the second grade. Suffice it to say, he's been to the recycling center four times and has lost all ability to care about California's water crisis. He only perks up if there are weapons involved, like the Native American Museum.

Not laying blame, just pointing out the facts.

Anyway, field trips days require a certain gravity that is unlike any normal days.

First of all is the schedule:

The bus leaves at particular times and returns at particular others. This matters only because the times vary widely. The last field trip he was supposed to go to had a pick up time at 6:45 am, and didn't come home until 5:30pm. Screw that up and you could ruin everybody's day.

So it's important to be very accurate with you calendar.

Second of all is attire.

This isn't just a normal going outside thing. There might be necessary footwear. If they are gong to be outside, do they need jackets, hoodies, ball-caps to cover their little noses from sun damage? Are they hiking? Do they need pants? Or will shorts do fine?

I personally would rather freeze to death than deal with the possibility of lugging a useless sweater around all day in the hot sun. But because my own particular boy refuses to participate in the obesity epidemic, layers are key to his well being.

Thirdly is lunch.

Not just any lunch, cause it's brown bagging it time.

The normal reusable lunch box will find itself becoming quite a drag during a long afternoon and may end up being left or lost, so in places where we are usually so eco-friendly, we have to go disposable.

Also, there needs to be a few more snacks available because he eats more when he's out and about, I will refuse to miss an opportunity to get a few extra calories in his system.

Turkey sandwich, Apple Juice, goldfish, and an extra packet of graham crackers, along with a sports bottle filled with filtered water. Playing 'cowboys and indians' at a Native American Museum is very thirsty work.

Actually, I think they're less into cowboys and indians and are focused right now on ninja assassins and thwarting the Illuminati at every turn. Still . . . arrowheads are arrowheads.

And lastly . . . as The Clash would ask . . . "Should I stay or should I go?"

Being the housewife that I am, it would seem obvious that of course I attend any and all extra curricular, school sponsored activities, but, I gotta be dead honest:

Most of the time they kinda suck.

Not so much that the field trip is boring or even dreary. To a nine-year-old, out in the world, they're pretty fun. But for a thirty nine-year old, who has done and seen things, it's kind of "Okay . . . whatever."

And there's always three or four moms who eye me with suspicion.

Like "Who the hell is this guy? Why doesn't he have a job? Why is he wearing the same white tee-shirt every day?"

The answer to the third question is that it's not the same white Tee-Shirt, it's actually 11 different white Tee-Shirts and I wear them because they're comfy, fit nice, and I don't have to spend a single firing synapse trying to match colors.

I try to engage in the conversations at each rest stop, or while the bus is at a red light, but for the most part, they only wanna talk about their children.

Their children are boring.

Like . . . really boring.

I don't know what I'd do with a boring child. But sure as shit this blog would not be nearly as funny.

And their lives are just a succession of pit stops. School, soccer, clarinet lessons, pre-cooked rotisserie chicken, gym, taking the beemer to the shop . . . again, yoga, Grey's Anatomy, getting tipsy on half a glass of chardonnay.

Volunteering for the church.

A multi million dollar tax free Christian compound the size and breadth of Disneyland, and they can't pay a kid minimum wage to brew coffee or set up tables.

C'mon. That's a little funny.

So I spend the entire field trip being quiet. And feeling a little awkward. Which in turn makes my son quiet, and a little awkward.

And to be honest . . . I think I have totally skipped my generation's parenting philosophy.

It's callous of me (maybe), but I am under the firm belief that anything my son does that doesn't require my supervision is top notch.

Go, boy, go. Come back when you're hungry. Or when it gets dark outside.

Why are you asking me? Look it up on YouTube.

Is it bleeding? No? Then you're not hurt.

A case could be made that that is the reason why my son's not boring. Thin perhaps. And maybe a little misguided when it comes to the dangers of the Illuminati, but not boring.

1 comment:

  1. You're missing a great opportunity to screw with those dull stay-at-home moms, make some shit up, your good at that