TBT: Bacon Makes Everything Better

On this day, 1561ish, Sir Francis Bacon was born.

This was an important dude.

I'm not gonna list his accomplishments because . . . frankly . . . if you're reading this then you too have as much access to Wikipedia as I do, and legally/morally I should be listing off source when I write these things . . . but daddy ain't got the time.

One thing I didn't know about him is that he is known as the grandfather of the induction method of reasoning, also known as the Scientific Method, and or course also known as the Baconian Method.

My own Baconian method is to place a sheet of eight slices in the oven and bake it at 385 until it looks crispy, but not too crispy, yet that's a theme for a completely different blog.

And a stolen Simpson's line.

See . . . referrences.

Anyway, when I saw that Francis Bacon was born on this very particular day, one thing came to mind and one thing only . . . 

Wasn't he the guy that some people think wrote a large part of Shakespeare's plays?

The answer is yes.

He's that guy.

People who champion the idea are known as Baconians.

I would've chosen Baconites.

No . . . on second thought . . . I would've gone with Baconeers.

The Baconeer theory has long been shelved, even though there are stll those that consider it feasible (chief among the Baconeers is renowned  english actor Derek Jacoby, who you might know as the good senator in Gladiator). So the Baconeers still have boots on the ground. As it were.

The leading explanation as to why Shakespeare is Shakespeare and not Bacon is because bacon, being the father of empiricism, was also an author, an essayist, an orator, a jurist, a scientist, and served as both the Lord Chancelor and Attorney General.

Based on the amount of phallic insinuations in the first act of Romeo and Juliet, Sir Francis Bacon probably didn't have a lot of time for finely crafted dick jokes.

But the Baconeers still insist that it would have required a man of exceptional genius to do what Shakespeare hath done, cause comedy is really, really hard. 

(Note the finely crafted dick joke) 

Actually the nail in the coffin for the Baconeer Theory isn't in Shakespeare's genius, it's in his mistakes.

His historical accuracy was laughable sometimes, and he had a tendency to put cities in places where they weren't. There's a good chance that Sir Francis Bacon actually owned a map of Italy, and being the father of the scientific method suggests he would have looked at it before placing the town of Verona on the Mediteranian Sea.

(It's landlocked in the north, BTW)

And Shakespeare was, how shall we say it, a little countrified in his time. Perhaps a bit provicial compared to his foul mouthed bretheren. His word choice now is undefiably beautiful, but some of it then, was probably considered downright rube-like.

So, it's a tough road for Baconeers.

But . . . for Baconologists . . . the idea of him not being Shakespeare doeasn't have to be a tragedy. The man gave us science as we know it today.

Bacon put people on the moon.

Shakespeare gave us Keanu Reeves as Don Jon.

"I . . . uh . . . I uh would rather be a canker in a hedge, then, you know, like a rose in his grace. Whoa."

Anyway, Sir Francis died of pnuemonia supposedly while studying the effects of freezing temperatures to preserve meat.


Dude gave his life for the safety of backyard barbecues and even though he was English, I think America owes him a great deal of gratitude for that one fact alone.

Now, unfortunately, National Bacon Day, is already a thing.

It's December 30th, BTW.

So, I propose Bacon Week.

Not a full week.

Just the four days following Martin Luther King Day.

No direct connection . . . it would just be easier to remember.

Of course bacon must be consumed copiously . . . but you have to apply inductive reasoning to your convection ovenings.

Using an "If/Then" hypothesis, and documenting your findings.

"Cause if not now . . . then when?"
Hamlet (sorta)

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