Stupid Analogue. Promo Video Part One

The following is an excerp from the Wait . . . Dad? Journal Episode 23, where Wait . . . Dad? assigns himself the task of creating a promo video for live perfromances:

DAY 1:
So I'm taking a five minute break during my show at the Jim Boy's Tacos. The show is going great and the crowd seems to be really impressed with my new live sound. It's hot, but I have water and have been offered beer by three different executives. I normally don't drink during a show, just cause, well, you know, professionalsim and all. But with the sun baring down on me, ice water is my new friend.

The district manager who hired me said seemed super excited to have me there and after I turn down his offer for a burrito, he tells me, very politely, that I sound so much better in real life than my YouTube videos suggest.

Two notes: One, my sound is good. Two, I need a better promo video.

I'll put that in the think hole.

Day 7:
Videographers are scoundrals.

Actually, that's not true. Some of them might even be nice people. But the ones I can afford aren't reliable and the one's I can't afford, well, they aren't reliable and I can't afford them.

I'm gonna have to do this myself aren't I?


Day 13:
Mmmkay. Well I shot my show with several cameras with several angles.

I think I need to lose some weight.

And the sound is just terrible.

Terrible. I'm gonna have to solve that problem later.

Day 17:
After splicing together some static shots, it looks like I'm definetely gonna need a camera girl.

Where's my wife?

Day 24
Found wife.

Day 28
Now that I know she isn't leaving me for someone thinner, we've got an outdoor performance coming up that will be perfect for recording some live stuff for the promo video.

Still haven't solved the sound problem.

Day 28.5
Solved the sound problem.

And OMG, it's like so retro, it's perfect.

I could go analogue.

Yeah, you hear me, analogue.

I even have a dusty old tape player and a whole bunch of blank cassettes.

I could route the sound board and split one end of the sound going to the speaker and the other end going to the recorder.

That way, I can take the analogue recording and sync it up with all the wonderful live shots that my wife is going to take for me, because I've now lost some weight, and then I can route the analogue sound through the computer and punch it up a bit to give it some real feeling and viola, I've got good shots, and a good warm sound.

And it's going to be so easy.

So easy.

Day 31:
It wasn't easy, but I think we got it. I mean, I hope we got it. I think we got good video, but I couldn't see the EQ lines on the audio.

I'm gonna listen back on the way home to see if we got any sound.

Day 31.5
No sound.

Day 38
New show. Tested out the contraption before the show (novel idea, have no idea why I didn't think of that the first time) and I think we got it.

Day 38.5
Didn't get it.

Will try again.

Day 40
Trying again. This time the sound works (I've tested it twice) now all I have to do is to convince my wife that she still oves me and will tolerate another shoot.

Day 40.5
There was a little disagreement. First, and it could happen to anyone, there were some false starts because, well, lense cap. Then there was an argument of shot angle versus lighting. I wanted her to shoot from the street, she wanted to shoot from the side.

After seeing the footage, I would like to take this opportunity to say that she was right.

Note to self: Next time marry someone who is wrong once in a while.

But the footage is good. Solid.

And the sound is good. Solid.

Now all I have to do is to put it all together and make a thirty second commercial.

It's going to be like so easy.

Day 87
Realize I don't have any shows lined up for well, ever.

I should probably get that whole promo video done.

Maybe tomorrow.

Day 93
Okay, I'm totally gonna get that promo video done on Monday. 

What day is it now?


Thank god.

I've got six days to think about it.

Day 107
Sitting down a the computer. Gee there's a lot of footage. And If I'm gonna make the sound sound good I've got a lot of syncing to do. That's gonna take hours and hours.

Maybe after lunch.

Day 110
I've got a better idea. Instead of syncing up a bunch of songs, I'll just sink up one and use that as the base and then just splice together different bits of footage. Much easier. Much cleaner.

I am a smart man.

Day 111
I am not a smart man.

And there is a reason why no one uses analogue anymore.

Why? you ask.

Cause tape stretches.

And recoils.

And stretches again.

Which I didn't even think about.

Cause I am not a smart man.

See, when tape stretches, haha, it elongates by just a little bit. Not a lot mind you. Just a little. And it's not audible in any meaningful way, unless you are trying to sync a three minute song with it's unstretched digital counter part.

They won't sync.

And because I am not a smart man, I spent the better part of all morning trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

Cause the sound was so good for like the first twenty seconds or so when they were aligned. And then it got lost.

Now there are ways to fix this, but all of them require another show and as I mentioned before, I don't have any on the horizon, cause I've been waiting for this promo video to be finished before I start searching for gigs again.

Now there may be a way to sync up the two audio tracks using some kind of cool new program.

I'll look into that.

Day 111.5
It can be done.

It can't be done on my budget.

But it can be done.

But it won't be done, because of said budget, but it's definitley good news for audiofiles out there.

I guess, whatever.

Anyway, new plan: I'll splice together all the video I want and then enhance the audio they came with. Won't be as warm or as sexy-cool and there will be those moments were you can hear all kinds of street noise, but it's a start.

Day 112
Okay, it's Monday, time to get back on the promo video horse.

After I finish this blog, of course.

And lunch.

Is anyone else really hungry?

And Where's my wife?

to be continued.

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