The 40ft POST: R-E-L-A-X

That was the tweet from QB1 Aaron Rodgers to the Packer Fans.


It seems to me to be a fitting response to fans, fantasy nuts, and anyone who has ridden the tsunami of the 2014 season. So far this season we've been plagued with controversy, off the field nonsense, and just about every team playing in mysterious ways.

A buddy of mine (whose team happens to sit right on top of our ForReals League) likes to point out that the first four weeks of the season are just about figuring out 'What's What."

"All you want to do is to get out of September with a 2-2 record and enough pocket change left over to buy the first round of beers at Dave and Busters."

End Quote.

I spent this space last week highlighting my Jedi-like vision on Darren Sproles who everyone poo-pooed and I just thought was going to be the bees-knees this season.

Yet, thanks to pure Wait. . . Dad? performance, I wasn't finished brushing the dandruff from my shoulder when he got two carries and two catches for a total of 50 yards and his 52 point week 2, sunk below double digits in week 3.


I also pontificated on the so-far durability of Arian Foster, ouch, how good his handcuff (Grimes) was going to be . . . and how much good fortune I had that I was forced to choose between two top 15 RB's this week (Sproles or Joique)

Wrong, wrong, wrong, and wrong.

I also thought we'd get to see some serious Brady/Gronk action. Wrong. Some serious Cleveland play. Wrong. Rodgers and Nelson lighting up the house. Nope. And the best one, I compared the Giants to the Raiders. I don't feel bad about that one, but still, wrong.

And then there was the long view. I totally thought that there was going to be a ground and pound movement among the league, but it's been all "Throw First and Ask Questions Later." And all the biggies are either out, or in McCoy's case, getting 1.1 yrds per carry, hell, even Tannehill threw 43 times last week. Lynch is still a beast, though. And Demarco Murry too.

Then . . . I also wrote about how nice it would be to not have any domestic abuse on the table for a least a week and the second I heard that little swoosh that tells me my post has gone through, Dwyer gets arrested.

Gotta admit it. I'm a little terrified of putting any words down for fear of ruining lives.

Can a jinx run that deep?

Yes, my conscience tells me, Yes it can.

But I'm gonna relax about that. There's very little evidence to suggest that a mostly unread football blog has that much negative power associated with it. So we'll just gear up for the final week in September and order another round.

The Karma double check. Now we've all seen the State Farm commercials where a bunch of insurance nuts are immitating Aaron Rodgers' TD celebration. The "Discount Double Check" has been a thing for a few years now, though I gotta admit, it's more of a sgnal to me that it's time to get up and pee.
And we also know that celebrating an enormous play is not only a way to rile up the crowd, but also helps in the intimidation factor. Football is, after all 95% physical, 7% emotional, and 12% butterscotch ripple.
(if you caught that Willie Wonka reference, you get to hang with the cool kids in the back alleys of hell.)
Anway, Stephen Tulloch, a defensive lineman for Detroit, sacked Aaron Rodgers on a big down and then jumped up into the air to mock Rodgers' trademark move . . . hit the ground and tore his ACL.
The reason why this is big news is because it solidifies the fact that there is a God, and he's not particularly fond of douche bags.
See you next season Stevey.

Okay, the big stories loading up this week are the back-up QB's being let out of the stable. Bortles, Bridgewater, Carr (who was one throw away from handing Brady his hat), Stanton, and of course, Mr. Kirk Cousins who rolled out there like he'd been secretly been getting first team reps since March.

The quarterback position is unquestioningly the hardest role in almost all of professional sports (leaving out Serena Wiliams' shoewear) and being the back-up guy has to be the most terrifying. It's like a 42nd street nightmare (or dream come true) and I for one love to root for the underdog.

This weekend we get to watch as entire careers face an almost impenetrable brick wall, or (in the case of Kirk Cousins) maybe get to watch a few stars be born.

That's soap opera stuff right there.

Lot of discussion on the Peterson, Rice, Mcdonald, Dwyer cases. Not so much left on the Josh Gordon plate til week 12 (so loong, soo loong), so we'll table that stuff for now.

Brandon Marshall wasn't quite the limping monster her was in week 2. Get well soon. Arian Foster is having existential conversations with his hamstrings (Prot-Tip, please don't tweet your MRI with your SSN so visible this time, 2011). Get well soon. And lots of LB's with broken fingers, which makes the mock-discount-double-check even that more dangerous. Get well too.

The sad down was Dennis Pitta, the TE for the Ravens, the man on the cusp of a career year as Flacco's security blanket. It's one thing to get injured. It's one thing to get injured and lose a season. But the loss of two seasons for the same fractured hip has just gotta be devistating. That's some terible pain right there, and even more terrible physical therapy to follow. Here's to 2015.

The Raiders were so close. So close. And man that would have been cool. Taking down the Partriots on a day where Darren McFadden had positive yardage. Streater went down and Moore wasn't there to take up the slack, but the defense made Brady squeemish, so we're just gonna put that in the moral 'Win' column.

And what's going on with the Niner's?

Can't tell you.

Don't know.

They don't let me in the meeting rooms any more since I stole that maple donut from Anquan Boldin.

It was a pretty good day for Kaepernick, and pretty neat day for Crabtree, but their secondary was lit up and though I was hoping to see a monster shoot out, a 14-23 loss didn't quite fit that bill.

Can't wait for the Eagles to get to town.

There's gonna be some serious offense going on.

ForFuns Team (2-1) 1st place.
ForReals Team (2-1) 4th place.

Just like week 2 I had one good day and one terribly mismatched day. I'd like to think that I was suprised, but I wasn't.

My questionable pick, Arian Foster, didn't play, which at the start of Sunday morning, didn't feel like it was going to shut down my team. I just slide Sproles into Foster's RB spot and waited for the magic to begin.

You might think it was a terrible idea having two Eagles RBs in my starting line up, but together they gave me 56 points week one and 76 points week two. What could go wrong?

Washington's defensive line, is the answer to that question.

My boys were both stopped cold. As was Jordy Nelson, Joique Bell, my kicker, and my entire defense.

I'm renegging on my lazy approach to the starting defense. I'm streaming here on out.

I've also come to the conclusion that my handcuff approach didn't pan out. At all. Hrumph. Remind me about that next July.

My ForFuns team lit it up though. So I got that going for me, but the ForReals Team is a bit of an enigma now.

Shout out to my brother, who goes into last week 0-2 and at the bottom of the pile, loses Adrian Peterson, grabs Cousins and some various dream-boats and turns his Week 3 team into the highest scoring team in the league. He rolls into week four in the No. 6 spot and only a few points behind the league leaders.

I go up against him this week, so now would be a good time for everyone to heal and get back to their week 2 awesomness.

I say that not only for my own sanity, but for the humanitarian greater good.

Also, shot to the old man for rolling with Victor Cruz after benching him last week. That took some serious testicles and now I understand why my underware never seems to fit right.

I've been gored by the Week 4 Bye's in my ForFuns league, Harvin, Floyd, Giovanni and some linebackers, but I've got an eight person bench and have been stashing, so I'm not too worried.

The biggest question mark is whether to go with Kaepernick or Cutler against my brothers' Cousins, but I'll make that decision when I know more about Vernon Davis and Brandon Marshall later on in the week. I will probably role with Colin simply because the Niner/Eagles game will be freakishly fun to watch if I do. (Kaepernick&Crabtree vs McCoy&Sproles on the same fantasy team)

Beers on me.

Okay, with that said:

High scoring game SF vs Arizona? (14-23) and nope.

Lamar can't catch a break? More like Lamar can't be caught (15-108)

Victor Cruz wears Donnel's jersey to fool Eli into throwing his way? (Didn't need to 5-107-1)

Arian Foster shares the field and Grimes goes for 75 yards? (Yes, but not in a good way and it was Blue, who went for 78)

No matter who I pick (Sproles or Joique) it'll be wrong. (Two-Fur, Picked both, both wrong)


75 total points in the San Francisco Eagle's extravaganza.

The Raiders win in London.

Not a single player goes down this week with a season ending inury.

I will hear commentators talking about the possibility of Johnny Manziel leading the Browns after the week 4 bye at least 13 times.

My brother beats me, but only by 13.5 points.

That's it for today . . . 

And remember . . . never settle for flimsy celery with your hot-wings. That shit ain't right.

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