A hundred, and Five

So the mercury was supposed to hit a hundred degrees Farenheight today, but it looks like we're just gonna peek around the early nineties.

My tomato plants are as grateful as tomato plants could be.

Which is not at all.

Tomato plants aren't people.

Regardless of how much time I spend talking to them.

Anyway, got me to thinking about how dreadfully unsuccessful weather people are at their jobs. And yet, there's quite of few of them, and on top of that, we take their educated guesses seriously enough to change our dinner plans.

Which of course, led me to contemplate all kinds of professions where the majority of the output is flawed and useless and sometimes even criminally so, and yet we still put a lot of stock into what they have to say or what they do when they are successfull.

First Up: Psychologist
You need actual schooling for this. There have been books wriiten. A psychology class is a prerequisite for an AA at every community college in the land. Yet, have you ever yourself, or known anyone who has been to a psychologist and said something on par with "Wow, that really helped." or "Gee, I feel so much better now." Kinda willing to bet you haven't (except on the brochure) and I'm even more willing to bet you've never left that office with anything other than an icky feeling, like you've been touched by a creepy uncle. I could spend this entire blog talking about all the horror stories from my own private collection, but you get the idea. I will, however say this, out of the hundreds or so psychologists I've met, there's only one I would spend time with again, but I think that has more to do with the fact that she was smokin hot and had a really good laugh.

Round Two: Songwriter
I know this for a statistical fact. Only one out of every seventy three songs written is actually playable to an audience, which is probably why there are only thirteen artists in the Top 40. The first thing you learn about being a songwriter is how bad everything you've ever done really is. I'm surprised I can still look at myself in the mirror.

Third One's a Charmer: Critic
Ever found critical analysis to be poignant or offer up a valid or interesting perspective? Yeah, right, me either. Notice how every critic concerns themselves with the intention of the artist rather than the effect of the art. They do that cause it makes them sound like they know what they're talking about. Which, by definition of not being artists themselves, means they don't. I don't mean to pick on them (sorta), I just find that the role we assigned to them as gatekeepers and tastemakers is a little scary. I think we should have critique critics. If every critic had their critiques criticised not just immediatley, but also through a histrical lense, well, we might get critics with the courage of an artist rather than the banality of a tenured professor.

Come Forth: Wedding Officiant
That's like a 50-50 failure rate right there. Instead of "I now pronounce you Husband and Wife" it should be something more like "You can now share the same tax guy until you don't want to do that anymore."

And Five: Husband
What's weird is that the rules are pretty simple. Don't Be Lazy, Don't Say Mean Stuff, and Don't Pee on Things You're Not Supposed to Pee On. And yet, not a day has ever gone by where I haven't broken at least two of those rules. It's actually kind of alarming when you think about it, so it's best if you probably don't.

Well shit, just broke the first rule.

Sorry honey.

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