Asking Emily Five

So yesterday I had to post my TBT from my phone because oddly enough, the computer was being bogarted by an eight year old on one of his YouTube Quests.

The oldest (and most importantly, cutest) photo I could find was the one I ended up posting of him in his rock halloween costume circa 2008 or 2009. I found it odd that the one dream I'm actually trained to help him with, lasted only a few short years. Ahh, well.

Anyway, it occurred to me that I might be breaking internet etiquette by posting a picture that wasn't old enough, that wasn't "throwback" enough. So, of course, I did a search, and of course, I found something.

But the something I found didn't have any hard a fast rules, only that it should't be a picture from last week, you should chill with the hashtags, try to crop out your thumb if you took a picture of a picture to get it on your phone, and my favorite, if you forget ThrowBack Thursday, it is not acceptable to post a FlashBack Friday. The advice was to get a calendar and set an alarm.

So I'm respectively safe in posting a picture that is at least four and a half years old.

And, yet, as I lay awake last night till 3:30am, I started thinking that there are a whole slew of things that should have some clear rules:


It's 2:00am and you hear a mosquito in the room and your SO is fast asleep.
Do you: Turn the light on and start swinging a magazine at every surface you can find? (Yes, especially if your husband snores and you plan on doing this naked) Do you go sleep on the couch and leave the bug to feast on your betrothed? (Yes, unless your wife has this big terrible reaction to mosquito bites, which mine, of course, does) Or, do you bite the bullet and act as the mosquito's trough while your pretty bride sleeps soundly? (Yes, but you're gonna slap your ear a lot, so, you know, be gentle.

Or Like:

When is it okay to smack another person's kid?
I mean, if Little Johnny pushes your kid on the playground, you're pissed, but it's not okay to take a Louisville Slugger to his knee caps, however, if Little Johnny has a knife in his hand, then by all means, batter up. So there is clearly a line to be drawn somewhere. I say, let the punishment fit your level of irritation. If they're trampling your lawn, you're allowed a warning shot. Broken window, a punch in the arm, half cocked. Refusing to use their inside voices while you're trying to nap, fork in the eye, and they get to choose the eye.

And Like:

When can the two of you respectfully leave the party?
When one of you is too drunk to drive. "Leaving already?", "Yeah, man, I gotta get her home."

or also like:

Is a dog considered a passenger with regards to the carpool lane.
If it's your dog, no. If it's your friend's dog, yes.

and Finally:

When is it appropriate to get offended by something nasty I've said?
I say terrible things all the time. It's cause I'm like a ninety year old man. I'm not even forty yet and already my ear hair is course and gray. I drive slow, my back hurts, and my boobs are not only actual boobs, but they're starting to sag. However, and regardless of what the actual time is, there's a line to be drawn as to when I am responsible for the things that come out of my mouth, and that line is halfway between my second cup of coffee. Before then, I am clearly a monster of Godzilla-like proportions, and it is absolutely positively your own damn fault for trying to engage me in human activities. The exceptions to this rule are cuddling and cuddling related activities, and my first cup of coffee.

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