Inking the Friday Five

Had a good laugh at dinner tonight cause my sister mentioned that my niece just got a tattoo. 

It's a mermaid. 

On her calf. 

I've heard it's very pretty.


Now I would never actively discourage any teenage girl from doing anything she had her mind set on, cause once she's had her mind set on something, because not only will she tell you to go fuck yourself, she will also run out of the house crying, and proceed to do something that is twice as dangerous than the thing you were trying to council her not to do.  You just have to forget about logic and hope to god that you're around when she's forty so you can laugh at her face for being so ridiculous.

I have boys. 

God loves me and wants me to be happy. 

So I'm too late to add some advice to the mermaid calf tattoo, but I can boast the five reasons I will never nor never had a tattoo inked on my skin. 

My mom would be pretty pissed. Her rule was that if I ever wanted a tattoo I'd have to put a picture of it on my wall for at least a year before I etched it on my epidermis. And, frankly, I piss off my mother enough as it is. 

Don't like pain. Tattoos hurt. 

Don't like spending money. Tattoos cost a lot. Like cases of good wine. 

Don't like explaining my decisions. Everyone who sees it is gonna ask. Or worse, they're gonna glare. Or super worse, they're gonna wanna show me theirs. 

I'm not sentimental. Tattoo people are sentimental  people. Each tattoo is a commemoration of something in their lives for which they want to last forever. They want to wear their hearts on their sleeves. They want a physical representation of what they are and what they've done and how they've felt and people they've loved or pets they've raised or wars they've fought or children they're proud of or themes they believe in or gods they worship or images they want to be associated with or bad decisions they've made. 

I, however, am a mystery. 

And I prefer it that way. 

Cause I'm cheap. 

And I have enough pain in my life. 

And I dont want to disappoint my mother. 

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