Five, Oh PETA, its Friday

Animals are not ours to eat, wear, experiment on, or use for entertainment.

So says PETA.

The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.

Or PFTETOA, if we're gonna respect the rights of acronyms to be allowed to fully incorporate all of the words.

Animals are not ours to Eat, Wear, Experiment on, or Use for entertainment.

Or EWEU for short.

There is a PETA ad that has been pulled from broadcast during the Oscars for being too controversial. Which means that the add will be the focus of some serious media attention not to mention countless YouTube videos over the next two weeks, which plays to the final belief of PETA, which is to be total "Press Sluts" (Their words, not mine)

Five of PETA's core beliefs. Eating, Wearing, Experimenting, Using, and Slutting it up.

Honestly they make it too easy sometimes.

1. Animals are not ours to eat.
Completely true. I don't own the steak I'm about to knife into, I'm only renting it for 24 hours or so.

2. Animals are not ours to wear.
Absolutely. Cotton is brought to you through slavery and synthetic fibers made from petroleum products guarantees that the terrorists will win. Way to go Pleather, looks like we're all getting silk for christmas.

3. Animals are not ours to experiment on.
Monkeys can be easily replaced by MySpace users. No one will even notice.

4. Animals are not ours to use for entertainment.
Frisbees and sticks will have to fetch themselves, Dentists will have to invest in Lava Lamps and from here on out, Cats are banned from the internet. Unless they can play the piano. That shit is priceless.

5. PETA members have to be Press Sluts.
Hmmm? Yes, they do in fact have to be press sluts, for the media has the attention span of a fifteen year old virgin."Slut" is such an incredibly descriptive word. It implies promiscuity coupled with powerlessness and banality. It implies that the merchandise is too cheap to marry, too dull for an affair, and not good enough to whore out. The sad part is that sluts don't leave an indelible mark upon us. We don't reminisce about the sluts in our lives, we may not even ever think upon them again unless we run into them at the grocery store or scanning our high school year books.

We should take some time to think about all the sluts that have passed us in the halls or slinked their way to the back seat of our cars. How do you think they are doing now? Do they have enough to eat, are they warm, did they ever learn to apply makeup, do they ever laugh?

Let us take a moment to remember the sluts.

Let us take a moment to remember the sluts, so that we may go back to forgetting them.