Yet rather than poking my eyes out with a fork, I'm going to sit under the A/C vent and write about it.
Top Five Reasons to Unreasonably Hate the Heat:
1. Replacing the air filter
When it's hot, we run the A/C all day. When we run the A/C all day the air filter becomes caked with house dust, which we all know as dead skin. Replacing them requires a trip to Home Depot, then to pay a heavy price for what is essentially a pair towel, high ceilings means dragging out the big ladder, the aluminum frame of the filter never fits so I always tear a little skin off my finger tips getting it open. Because I've been fighting with it a huge load of dust falls in my face and onto the floor which I have to clean up before my wife freaks out. I have to vacuum the grate. I have to fight with the lever to lock the new one in. I have to get the dirty one into the trash where one little bump from my clutzy self will deliver a dead skin bomb all over the house. I hate chores, but this one is off the hook.
2. Wearing clothes
I sweat. I am moving all day and I drink a lot of fluids. My clothes start sticking to my skin around 8:30am and by the time I can peel them off in the late afternoon, they weigh twice what they did in the morning. They are sticky with layer after layer of man in motion perspiration.
3. Man stink
There maybe a subtle genetic sexual pheromone advantage in the musk of men, but my socks can empty a room.
4. Raging Fury
There's a reason why Canadians are so even tempered. Cool climate. Cool People. Hot Climate, however, and people will kill over a Youtube video.
5. My Poor Wife
For who in their right mind would want to have sex with a cranky, sticky, stinky naked old man covered in debris after a dead skin bomb?
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