This means I have gone from casual user to morbid junkie in less than a year.
And I'm sort of fine with that. Here are five reasons why I will spend more quality time with my fantasy football team than I will with my family over the next fourteen weeks.
1. I get to choose my team
Sure there is a certain amount of responsibility that must be taken by me as to how my family turned out, but it all just started cause I had a crush on some hot girl, and that was thirteen seasons ago. No one can be expected to score points from a decision made thirteen seasons ago.
2. I have a bench team
When one of my players goes down, I don't get sad, I replace them. "Oh, does Percy Harvin have headache? Well it looks like I'm going out with Torry Smith tonight." Looks like Calvin's a little afraid of the ball. Maybe this week I'll start that little red headed bulldozer with the fat mom. He seems to know how to kick a ball in the right direction.
3. There are even free agents.
Honey, I know we've been through a lot together, but you nag me to mow the lawn one more time and I'm gonna put you on the waiver wire. The depth at 40 year old moms is pretty deep and there's always a few young rookies that no one's pick up on yet.
4. Holiday.
I love sitting around with friends drinking beer and eating food. Football season means that I have an excuse to do exactly that. For fourteen sundays in a row.
5. Makes me feel like a real boy.
I'm pretty good at a lot of stuff. But there's always been this unpunched hole in my man card, which is that I know next to nothing about sports. Yet from now until the Super Bowl I can relate to other men in ways with which I haven't been able up until now. And yes, I do know how gay that sounds, but it is none the less fabulous.
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