Cantankerous

I discovered a Readers Digest in my bathroom this morning. It's curious for I haven't seen one of those in probably ten years and it's inexplicable how it made its way to the magazine stack on my toilet. The space is almost always reserved for old Entertainment Weeklys and depending on the situation, a book of crossword puzzles about 33% completed.

The Readers Digest isn't something I would catch myself perusing, but I had the time and clearly no other place to go.

What could go wrong, for there is so much that I want to know? Yet so little of things I want to know are contained within the pages that I started looking for a crossword puzzle. In doing so,  I flipped upon a two page article by Mitch Albom.

The guy who wrote "Tuesdays with Morrie" If you didn't already know that. And for the record there's no real reason that you should.

I wouldn't even be all that surprised if you've never come across "Tuesdays with Morrie" either. It was a blip on the pop culture feel good map for a time. Sold millions. Inspired 47. Changed the lives of several. (I daresay there is a possibility that the one person who was transformed by Mitch's freshman effort could conceivably be reading this, and to you I say "Are you lost sweetie?")

Anywho . . .

The article was about Siri, Apple's 2011 version of 2001's HAL. In it Mitch complained about how we are forming relationships with our phones and have lost the art of connecting with other human beings.

To which I must cordially respond "Bah!"

Siri is a slick toy for people who have time for such things, but it in no way effects human connectivity, except for the fact that it singles you out as the kind of person who has time for such things. Such people deserve a little head tilt, not a two page diatribe, but Mitch must be at that stage in his career where he is too widely read to use bad words and too well respected to say anything of consequence.

Nice way to Andy Rooney yourself into irrelevance.

But I'm still tripping on how the Reader's Digest got into my throne room. I'm not opposed to mind trash, I'm a purveyor of it, but I'd be less surprised to find porn than I am to find Mitch Albom's take on Siri.

And I don't begrudge the Reader's Digest audience for I too would like 5 Easy Ways to burn more belly fat, I just don't remember anyone sitting on my toilet long enough to peruse.

Yet it had to come from somewhere. And if my luck holds, then it was most likely a friend or loved one who I am dangerously close to offending by poking direct fun at their game time reading material.

Which leads me back down the path from which I started.

I've gotten a little cranky. Old man cranky. Get off my lawn , cranky.

Blame it on the pain. Blame it on the lack of nicotine, the heat of the never-ending summer, and a few sleepless nights for which there was no escape.

I gots the flavor of bitter bean in my mouth and here I am asking you to kiss me. Poking you with a sharp stick a telling you it feels good.

And for the most part it does feel good. A little giggle and a WTF. Lets you know you're still alive and that I can still muster a little sting.

Yet that can be hard on the people around me who just want to be nice productive people and live their positive lives and read about how Siri is an example of why we are losing our humanity.

One second thought . . .

Maybe we just need a safety word, so that I know that you think I've gone a little too far.

Something that says slow down, ease up, smell a few roses, lets take our time. Something that says its okay to be nice. Something that won't offend anyone.

Something like "Mitch"