Unsportsmanlike Five

So I was doing a little research on the new NFL rules for next week's blog when I came across two new no-no's that I thought were funny.

No Foul Language - against an opponent or official. No definition of what 'Foul Language' might be but I'm assuming that calling your opponent "Skittle Breath' is still perfectly legal.

and . . .

No Use of NFL equipment as a prop.

That just says it right there.

The goal post is no longer a basketball hoop or a penis.

For all intents and purposes.

Both of these new rules were listed under the unsportsmanlike conduct section. There were a lot of other new rules too, but I won't bore you with those (just yet). But what did strike my fancy was the thought that maybe somebody should come up with some league sanctioned rules for the domestic househole version of unsportsmanlike conduct.

I think that person should be me.

Rule Number One: No trash in the kitchen sink. 

This includes plastic cups, paper plates, or empty Capri-Suns. That's a five Skittle penatly and loss of one scoop of ice cream. Double penalty if it's plastic from an Otter Pop.

Rule Number Two: Two Minute Warning on mid-day phone calls.

I have nothing to say, You have nothing to say, penalty for exceeding the playtime will result in an automatic hang-up and obligatory foot rub.

Rule Three: You cannot ask the same question more than three times.

Including, but not limited to questions about automatic vs. manual transmissions and the recoil potential of various fire arms. A fourth repeat of the same answer is an automatic fifteen minute loss. Bed time will now be set at 8:45.

Rule Four: No dirty underware on the bathroom floor.

This rule will be added to the height limitations on the pile of dirty clothes on my side of the bed. Infractions will result in loss of holding and an automatic pizza night.

Rule Five: The immediate action rule.

When I say, "Go put your shoes on", then go put your shoes on. When I say "Go Brush Your Teeth", then go brush your teeth. The list also includes: Go clean your room, Eat your food, Close the door, Turn it down, Hurry up, and a positive verbal response to "Did I make myself clear?" Violations will result in a loss of one birthday present and a gain of three pieces of broccoli.

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