What you are about to read is a five list that results in the sad, but necessary, deaths of some of our least understood protagonists.
You should very much stop reading if you are the kind of person whose Netflix and TiVo queues are out of control, or if you have a pile of literary classics by the side of your bed that you are planning to read as soon as you finish Eat, Pray, Love.
(Additional Spoiler Alert: If you have only finished the Eat part of Eat, Pray, Love, then feel free to stop, you've already had the best part.)
In celebration of possibly one of the most twisted episodes of The Walking Dead this week, if you haven't seen it, stop reading now, I give you my top five pop culture moments where, unfortunately, due to extreme circumstances, you're gonna have to put her down.
1. Frankenstein's Monster:
Aw, such a touching moment where the little girl is tossing flower petals into the lake. Gosh it almost seems obvious that if the plan is to throw pretty things into the water, shouldn't we throw the pretty little girl as well? The townsfolk don't think so, and its a shame, someone was going to make espresso.
2. Of Mice and Lenny:
Killing the puppies was kinda sad. Killing the farmer's daughter, well, that was just poor decision making. Tell me about the rabbits again, George.
3. Old Yeller:
Well, we now know that rabies from bats is incredibly rare, so it's most likely boy's best friend tussled with a crazy raccoon, but it don't matter much, son, just go get Daddy's shotgun and quit asking questions.
4. Heather Number One:
You could gag her with a pitchfork or eff her with a chainsaw backwards, but if you're gonna feed her drain cleaner mixed with milk and orange juice, try to make sure she's not standing by a glass coffee table.
5. The Big Blonde Guy in Fargo
Oh, you can kidnap and ultimately kill a mother of two and pop a cap in a highway patrolman on a snowy bank by the side of the road, but nobody, nobody, puts Steve Buscemi's body parts through a wood chipper, nobody.
Please send me your favorite Pop Culture "Sorry, but we're gonna have to put her down" Moments and I'll be more than happy to share them with the class.
Happy Weekend.
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