Be Mine Five

It's awful rare that a Friday Five falls on a holiday, since most holidays are day and not date specific. Essentially the chance possibilities are Christmas, Fourth of July, St. Patrick's and of course, Valentine's Day.

So it would be pretty callus of me not to at least prepare some kind of tribute to the event, even if it is a nod to a really lame celebration like V-Day.

Me and the wife aren't big V-Day supporters.

In fact I don't know anyone who really is. Though, since ten percent of all marriage proposals happen on Valentine's Day, chances are pretty good that there are people who take this shit seriously.

It seems just a bit sad to me that a holiday to celebrate love (which would be kinda sweet) has degenerated into a week long frenzy of emotional blackmail.

What should be nice, turns out to be just messy and tasteless.

But there are some simple Do's and Don'ts, not to make this holiday great, but to save yourself time and energy and explaining and apologizing and drinking past your bedtime.

Do and Don't Number One:
Don't do nothing. Rage against the machine all you like, buy local where you can, but Do something. Even something small. In fact, especially something small.  Roses and Chocolates and Fancy Dinners are boring and unremarkable. Replace her bookmark with a Post-It Note that says "Be Mine" and that will be all she'll talk about 'til Cinco Day Mayo.

D&D Two:
Don't expect a damn thing. Like I said, that's emotional blackmail and will lead to absolutely nothing but bad feelings all around. Don't hope. Don't say to yourself "Gee, it would be nice if . . . " You know what kind of romantic bone your partner has by now, in fact, it should be directly proportional to how much time he or she spent with you during the Super Bowl party. Do, however, make it easy for your catch. Say "Hey, Friday is Valentine's Day and you're taking me out to Red Lobster, I've already made the reservations."

D&D 3
Don't spend any money at Hallmark. It's their fault you're in this pickle. Do pay your eight year old niece $3 to make your lady friend a card out of crayons and construction paper. That shit'll stay on the fridge fo-eva

D4
Don't get a tattoo today. Just don't.

D5
Don't feel bad that you're all alone. Netflix just released Season 2 of House of Cards and since everyone else will be busy, it'll serve them right if you tweet spoilers all weekend long.

And if any of you have some Do's and Don'ts you'd like to share with the rest of us, please do.